From dust you came and from dust you will be resurrected.
Last night I attended Ash Wednesday service. For those of you that don’t know, Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Lenten season. Lent is the 40 day period leading up the super bowl Sunday for Christians a/k/a Easter. The goal of Lent is not to make a plan for change and follow it to the letter. Rather, the goal is to make a change that sinks deeply into life, drawing us closer to self, others, and God. Lent is about intentionally opening ourselves, preparing to receive God’s goodness.
My prayer for this Ash Wednesday is:
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence O Lord,
Take not thy Holy Spirit from me,
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Shack
I recently finished reading WM. Paul Young’s controversial book The Shack and (at the risk of sounding too cliche) if you read one book this year, let this be the book! The Shack is God as I have never seen him before. With every page, the complicated do’s and don’ts that distort a relationship into a religion were washed away as I gained a new understanding of God the Father (Papa), God the Son (Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit (Sarayu) for the first time in my life.
The story centers around the abduction and murder of Missy Phillips, Mack’s youngest daughter, during a family vacation. Four years after the Great Sadness began, Mack is summoned back to The Shack where the horrid incident occurred to meet with God. As Mack walks back into his worst nightmare wondering where was this God during the worst moment of his life, his world is forever changed.
I hope you will read this book and share it with someone else.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Lessons Learned in Bootcamp
Three mornings per week at the ass-crack of dawn, I get up at 4:45 to attend a boot camp fitness class. A class I pay money to attend and be yelled at like some criminal in the prison system all in the name of fitness. I thought I would share these highly valuable lessons I have learned in such a short amount of time.
1. Boot Camp is a four-letter word.
2. Never tell the Sargent your name. Doing so will result in being called out periodically (frequently if you are like me and you need to stop and pick your heart up off the floor).
3. 100 pushups is considered a "warm-up."
4. Drill Sergeants are never nice. They are merely setting you up to have your ass kicked again.
5. The miracle mile involves running 55 flights of stairs should be called "It’s-a-miracle-if-you-don’t-die-trying-to-finish-it-mile."
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Slow and Steady
It’s been a little over a month since I made the New Year’s resolutions and although I haven’t lost as much weight as I would like at this point, I have lost 4 pounds and maintained the resolutions. Everyday I’ve made a choice. Choices that furthered my goals or set them back. Some days I am so confident I’ll succeed it’s down right scary. Others I am so paranoid I’ll get stuck and ultimately fail that it’s difficult to push forward. At times, it feels like I am drowning, flapping all around, trying to make it. Then I realize I need to just calm down. Breathe. There is no drowning here as the water isn’t that deep.
The weight loss process is a tricky one and different for every person. I obviously didn’t get to be 30 pounds overweight (currently but 50 pounds ultimately) by eating properly and exercising as recommended. There have been many times in my life where I have chosen to take care of myself through food. While I’ve never been one to eat tons of junk food, I have been known to eat too much of the healthy stuff and healthy or not, its all about moderation. I used food to fill voids that food could never fill. I self-medicated with food throughout my father’s battle with cancer. I turned to food with the death of my grandmother. I used food to fill the holes that anxiety seemed to place inside of me. Food has filled many boring hours at the office and a lot of downtime at home alone while my husband travels. Food has been the source of every celebration my family has had and every mournful loss we have suffered as well. I’ve spent years working through my issues with food. Why do I eat, why do I eat what I eat, why do I eat when I eat? Some of those I can answer, some I’m still seeking. All I know is that it had to STOP.
So I stopped it. Oh the power that comes when you realize you are in fact strong enough to take control of your own life! That doesn’t mean I don’t want to turn to food, it just means I’m aware of when I want to turn to food and I find something else to do instead. Have I perfected this? No, but each day is another baby step in the right direction. I stopped waiting to feel like doing it and just started about the business of doing. I don’t always feel like working out, so what? I don’t always feel like coming to work, but I come to work. I don’t always feel like taking a shower, but I shower. I don’t always feel like doing laundry or the dishes but the dishes are done and so is the laundry. You get my point. The funny thing is that after each of those workouts I don’t feel like doing, I feel fantastic. I feel strong. I feel accomplished. I feel like I could conquer anything before me and I know I will because I feel the change in my soul.
The weight loss process is a tricky one and different for every person. I obviously didn’t get to be 30 pounds overweight (currently but 50 pounds ultimately) by eating properly and exercising as recommended. There have been many times in my life where I have chosen to take care of myself through food. While I’ve never been one to eat tons of junk food, I have been known to eat too much of the healthy stuff and healthy or not, its all about moderation. I used food to fill voids that food could never fill. I self-medicated with food throughout my father’s battle with cancer. I turned to food with the death of my grandmother. I used food to fill the holes that anxiety seemed to place inside of me. Food has filled many boring hours at the office and a lot of downtime at home alone while my husband travels. Food has been the source of every celebration my family has had and every mournful loss we have suffered as well. I’ve spent years working through my issues with food. Why do I eat, why do I eat what I eat, why do I eat when I eat? Some of those I can answer, some I’m still seeking. All I know is that it had to STOP.
So I stopped it. Oh the power that comes when you realize you are in fact strong enough to take control of your own life! That doesn’t mean I don’t want to turn to food, it just means I’m aware of when I want to turn to food and I find something else to do instead. Have I perfected this? No, but each day is another baby step in the right direction. I stopped waiting to feel like doing it and just started about the business of doing. I don’t always feel like working out, so what? I don’t always feel like coming to work, but I come to work. I don’t always feel like taking a shower, but I shower. I don’t always feel like doing laundry or the dishes but the dishes are done and so is the laundry. You get my point. The funny thing is that after each of those workouts I don’t feel like doing, I feel fantastic. I feel strong. I feel accomplished. I feel like I could conquer anything before me and I know I will because I feel the change in my soul.
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