The Shack

I recently finished reading WM. Paul Young’s controversial book The Shack and (at the risk of sounding too cliche) if you read one book this year, let this be the book! The Shack is God as I have never seen him before. With every page, the complicated do’s and don’ts that distort a relationship into a religion were washed away as I gained a new understanding of God the Father (Papa), God the Son (Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit (Sarayu) for the first time in my life.

The story centers around the abduction and murder of Missy Phillips, Mack’s youngest daughter, during a family vacation. Four years after the Great Sadness began, Mack is summoned back to The Shack where the horrid incident occurred to meet with God. As Mack walks back into his worst nightmare wondering where was this God during the worst moment of his life, his world is forever changed.

I hope you will read this book and share it with someone else.

Lessons Learned in Bootcamp

Three mornings per week at the ass-crack of dawn, I get up at 4:45 to attend a boot camp fitness class. A class I pay money to attend and be yelled at like some criminal in the prison system all in the name of fitness. I thought I would share these highly valuable lessons I have learned in such a short amount of time.

1. Boot Camp is a four-letter word.

2. Never tell the Sargent your name. Doing so will result in being called out periodically (frequently if you are like me and you need to stop and pick your heart up off the floor).

3. 100 pushups is considered a "warm-up."

4. Drill Sergeants are never nice. They are merely setting you up to have your ass kicked again.

5. The miracle mile involves running 55 flights of stairs should be called "It’s-a-miracle-if-you-don’t-die-trying-to-finish-it-mile."

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?

Slow and Steady

It’s been a little over a month since I made the New Year’s resolutions and although I haven’t lost as much weight as I would like at this point, I have lost 4 pounds and maintained the resolutions. Everyday I’ve made a choice. Choices that furthered my goals or set them back. Some days I am so confident I’ll succeed it’s down right scary. Others I am so paranoid I’ll get stuck and ultimately fail that it’s difficult to push forward. At times, it feels like I am drowning, flapping all around, trying to make it. Then I realize I need to just calm down. Breathe. There is no drowning here as the water isn’t that deep.

The weight loss process is a tricky one and different for every person. I obviously didn’t get to be 30 pounds overweight (currently but 50 pounds ultimately) by eating properly and exercising as recommended. There have been many times in my life where I have chosen to take care of myself through food. While I’ve never been one to eat tons of junk food, I have been known to eat too much of the healthy stuff and healthy or not, its all about moderation. I used food to fill voids that food could never fill. I self-medicated with food throughout my father’s battle with cancer. I turned to food with the death of my grandmother. I used food to fill the holes that anxiety seemed to place inside of me. Food has filled many boring hours at the office and a lot of downtime at home alone while my husband travels. Food has been the source of every celebration my family has had and every mournful loss we have suffered as well. I’ve spent years working through my issues with food. Why do I eat, why do I eat what I eat, why do I eat when I eat? Some of those I can answer, some I’m still seeking. All I know is that it had to STOP.

So I stopped it. Oh the power that comes when you realize you are in fact strong enough to take control of your own life! That doesn’t mean I don’t want to turn to food, it just means I’m aware of when I want to turn to food and I find something else to do instead. Have I perfected this? No, but each day is another baby step in the right direction. I stopped waiting to feel like doing it and just started about the business of doing. I don’t always feel like working out, so what? I don’t always feel like coming to work, but I come to work. I don’t always feel like taking a shower, but I shower. I don’t always feel like doing laundry or the dishes but the dishes are done and so is the laundry. You get my point. The funny thing is that after each of those workouts I don’t feel like doing, I feel fantastic. I feel strong. I feel accomplished. I feel like I could conquer anything before me and I know I will because I feel the change in my soul.

The Battle of the Scale - Fit v. Fat

I’ve debated sharing this here mainly for fear that I will fail and look like a fool. :) But, like most things in my life, committing to them publicly (while scary) generally gives me enough of a push to be successful. So here it goes...

I am overweight. Phew! I said it. Ok, so that’s not so shocking to anyone, especially me. But that doesn’t make it any easier to admit to anyone other than my bathroom scale. I have vowed to take better care of myself this year and one key part of that is to lose weight. I need to lose 30 pounds and this year is the year it’s going to happen. Come hell or high water (or a lipo clinic in Mexico) this is MY year!

I turned 29 in October. Next up...the big 3-0! There is something about a milestone birthday that causes you to reflect on the past decade and forces you to want to do better in the next one. I have decided why wait for the next 10 years to get it right? I’ve been "losing" weight (and finding it again) since I entered my 20's and I REFUSE to carry this weight into my 30's. I am tired of planning to lose it and am ready to just do it!

So if you care to follow me on this journey of The Battle of the Scale - Fit v. Fat edition, check back often for updates that will probably be filled with more 4-letter words than you can count!

Oh and for record keeping purposes, I’m down 2.5 pounds with 27.5 to go!

Today is the New Tomorrow.

I loved back-to-school shopping as a kid. There was just something about that fresh start with new supplies and clothes that made everything seem so possible. I feel the same way about a brand new calendar. A new calendar with blank pages! It’s only a matter of time before the calendar is full of pen marks, little notes sketched around the side, sloppy handwriting all over because I didn’t take the time to make it neat (more on my OCD issues later :) and appointments/occassions demanding my time and pulling me in lots of different directions. I don’t know how to simplify the calendar or the chaos called life but I do know that I have the choice to start each day as a clean calendar. I can choose how to fill some of my days and when I can’t, I can choose how I go about living in that day. So today, I choose to live for today...

JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to conquer it all at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts or tasks that overwhelm me.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to do my best even when my best isn’t perfect. I will not give up just because I can’t do it 100% right now.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. I'll eat healthily. And not only that, I'll get off my butt and exercise.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will treat myself like an old friend, focusing on all the great things about me and not my imperfections.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage and strength to achieve my goals.

What are you doing today?

Looking Forward, Pressing On.

...but one thing I do, forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, I press on... Philippians 3-13-14

2008 was a pretty good year for me. I was very blessed in most aspects of my life. I made some new friends, strengthened some existing friendships and let go of ones that weren't worth keeping. I celebrated my first wedding anniversary, took my sister to New York for her 21st birthday, met my future brother-in-law, got a great raise at work and managed to lose some pounds. Last year's resolutions focused on becoming more healthy and reading more books. I managed to accomplish both goals! I aimed to read 24 books last year and I am elated to say that I have just finished up book 31! I am proud of my accomplishments and thankful for all of the blessings I have received.

This year as 2009 begins, I am looking forward to seeing what is in store for the Holloway family. Brent and I begin our 2nd year of marriage and celebrate 8 years of being together. We have Jami's (Brent's sister) wedding this summer and our vacation out west to tour some of our favorite vineyards. In addition to all of those fun things, I have made a few resolutions to focus on this year. On my list of resolutions:

1. Learn to live in the moment. I am the Queen of looking forward and thinking back. While there is nothing wrong with dreaming and reminiscing, I feel like I miss out the here and now at times. So this year, I resolve to participate in my daily life instead of anticipating what's coming next.

2. Move forward in my healthy living goals. Continue to focus on exercising, eating properly and being the best version of me that I can, physically, mentally and emotionally.

3. Attend Church regularly. I've become back-slidden as us Methodists call it. This year I will focus on growing my relationship with God and seeking out a Sunday School class.

4. Give back. I will focus on finding my niche in the world. While I don't expect to solve this one in 12 short months, I do expect to make some progress. We all have things worthy of giving, and I want to find mine.

5. Live more simply.

I've got some work to do. So here's to a 2009 filled with peace, love, hope, happiness and the ability to weather whatever storms may come! Happy New Year!

Still Much To Do...

I stole this list from someone else, who probably stole it from someone else. Maybe I should add "stolen something" to the list. I've bolded everything I've done.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/DisneyWorld
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo (only in the shower)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (you can longer do this)
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept overnight on a train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dippin
27. Run a Marathon (only a half)
28. Ridden a gondola in Switzerland (only gondolas in the North East)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen Amish country
36. Taught yourself a new language (if the Italian I learned counts)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (no, but I've bought and eaten my fair share)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (If giving the Heimlich counts)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. One cavity or less (I wish)

So many things to add to the list and so many more to check off. What have you done?